“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” Hebrews 6:19
What anchors you?
One thing is certain, we need an anchor.
Life is so uncertain. One moment life is figured out and definite; the next moment you are stumbling in the dark.
What is your anchor?
I have lived my life without an anchor. Well I should back up a bit. I have been raised knowing God as my Lord and Saviour. My faith was sure. I knew who I was and where I was going. I had an anchor in my life, The Anchor.
But then rough waters came. I was in college and I no longer wanted an anchor. I wanted freedom. Freedom from rules, freedom from the restrictions my anchor gave me. I hated being tied down. I had been raised knowing the security of my Anchor. But I did not want to be the good girl anymore. I wanted to be the fun girl. I wanted to live life on my own terms. No more rules. No more restrictions.
I look back with such clarity on this moment. I made a decision. This was not a slow fade away from my faith. This was an “I am done with my faith” moment. I cut the rope that attached me to my anchor, the anchor being Christ.
I told God I was done. If this was Christian living, I wanted no part of it. I was sitting in my office when I made the decision. But in my mind, I envision myself on a boat that is anchored. And I take a knife and I cut the rope and I leave the anchor behind. I immediately start to drift away, and I smile because I think I am free.
In that moment, I picture the face of Jesus. He is sad. But He lets me go; because Jesus never forces us to love Him or choose Him. It is our choice. He desires a relationship with us, but we have to choose that.
Cutting free of my anchor was the worst decision I ever made. I drifted out to deep sea and faced the roughest waters. My life spiraled downward. I made such poor decisions. And before I knew it, I felt like I was drowning; drowning in regret and shame and lies. My journey which had started so hopeful was now dark and lonely and hopelessly lost. My addiction to bulimia led me to lie to everyone I knew and hide from the ones I trusted and loved because I lived in shame. I coped with my loneliness by partying. But when the music faded and the party was over, I was still alone and lost, drifting in open waters.
I finally saw my life for what it was. I saw where my decision had led me. I was not free. It was a lie. I was addicted to a life I hated and I needed help. I needed my Anchor.
On my knees, alone I asked Jesus to help me.
It was the first time I had prayed in over a year and a half.
I experienced God’s grace and forgiveness in a way I had never before. I did not deserve it. I chose to leave. I chose to do life my own way. I chose the decisions that made me happy, instead of what I knew to be right and wrong. And even with all of that, God forgave me. The feeling was like nothing I had ever experienced before. My life was burdened with so much regret. When I asked God to forgive me, with a heart that was in anguish, I felt the heavy weight of so much regret and shame lift and I was free.
Freedom was not leaving the anchor. Freedom was choosing the Anchor.
So my deep love and respect for anchors continues. It is my reminder that Christ is my Anchor. He anchors my life, my marriage, my parenting. He anchors my decisions. When I start to drift, my anchor stops me and I do not drift out to open waters, but I remain firmly attached to the God who loves me deeply and strongly.