I write about what makes me uncomfortable. I write about what challenges me as a woman, a wife, a Christian, a neighbor, and a friend. I like to include it all. There are far too many voices out in this world, that smooth over how hard life really is at times. I have always felt that when I speak on my challenges and struggles, others feel permission to say, “me too, and I have been struggling too.”
Push down the walls. They are not helping you. They do keep you hidden, they may hide your hurt and your struggles, but they also hide your beauty and your heart. And often, they prevent healing.
It is scary being brave and it is vulnerable to speak on your weaknesses. But who would I be if I just kept it all in? God has given me a voice, and I choose to use my voice for Him.
I am no saint. Let me say that loud and clear. I am a woman who chooses to follow Jesus, and I am grateful every day that He loves me knowing all my weaknesses and struggles and temptations, and that He has grace for me every time I mess up. There was once a time in my life where I thought I would achieve this place in adulthood, where temptation and weakness no longer bother me. I have since realized that humans will always have weakness, and that is why we need Jesus and his grace.
I yell. And I hate that I yell when I am frustrated and angry. Sometimes it is more of a very loud voice and sometimes it is full blown yelling. I have been working on my anger since I was in my young twenties. Now almost in mid-thirties, I have realized that this may be an area in my life that I will always have to work on and work to control. This is where I cling to the verse, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”-2 Corinthians 12:9. I believe this is the point! If I could master all my weaknesses on my own, I would not need God in my life. But I do need God, and I need Him daily.
“The fact that God’s power is displayed in our weaknesses should give us courage and hope. As we recognize our limitations, we will depend more on God for our effectiveness rather than our own energy, effort or talent. Our limitations not only help develop Christian character but also deepen our worship, because in admitting our weaknesses, we affirm God’s strength.”1
I will continue to strive to be the woman God wants me to be. I try daily to read my Bible. Sometimes it is a few verses and sometimes it is a few chapters. Some days I am deeply inspired, and some days I simply show up because I have chosen that my relationship with God is worth it, whether or not I feel like it in that moment.
When I mess up, I will continue to seek God’s grace and forgiveness. And if that means apologizing to the people in my life be it family, friends, coworkers or customer service workers then I will. I want my community to see that humility is as important as strength. Recognizing when I have made a mistake, and humbling myself and choosing to go and apologize and ask forgiveness.
To me, this is strength. It is way easier to be proud and ignore. It takes integrity and strength to admit when you have messed up, made a mistake, and hurt someone.
1- NLT application study Bible, pg. 1849, 1996.